The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
