Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
