i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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