i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
be right there i have to get my cape
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
