It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
