whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
