I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Randomize
