THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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