So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
