u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
