Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
