Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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