A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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