Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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