Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
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