There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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