Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
