You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
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The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
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Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?