whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
