I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
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We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch