Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.