3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
