hotel room ftw
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.