I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.