I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
