She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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