shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize