i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
