never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
