they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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