8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
So apparently I’m into choking now
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