Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
