guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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