man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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