I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
The struggles of a small town man whore
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
