Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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