I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
