what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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