Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
