3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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