suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
