Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
