My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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