The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
