So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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