dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
