I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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