they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
