I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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