dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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