Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
