she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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