return my video game
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
