im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
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I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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