we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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