"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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