Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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