I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
My first STD was from a foam party
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
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