McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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