no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
