alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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