There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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