Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
