question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
