The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
