Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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