I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
