I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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