i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
