I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
God, I missed his penis.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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