These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Such a big mess for such a small penis
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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