part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
