Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You took a bar mat shot.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
The Olympian is in my bed
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
