Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Randomize
