I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
