I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
two words...techno handjob
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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