Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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