Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
