Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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