I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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