We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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