I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
