i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
tell me about the fingering
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