oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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