Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
